Positive Relationships and Behaviour Support
Scope of this chapter
This chapter provides guidance on supporting behaviour, which includes supporting positive behaviour, de-escalation of conflicts and discipline.
Whilst children bring their own values and behaviours to placements, foster carers play a key role in influencing children.
There should be a holistic approach drawing on established theoretical bases, research, best practice and guidance in order to promote and develop positive behaviour, and a multi-disciplinary approach to understanding and supporting children and young people.
A robust assessment of need should determine the approach to be taken and the most effective matching of children with foster carers. The referral information, Placement Plan and reviews are central to the ongoing planning and evaluation of the support in relation to behaviour. Foster carers should be given such information, which is kept up to date, as to enable them to provide appropriate care for the child, in particular the most recent version of the child's care plan. Foster carers should be aware of all the necessary information about a child's circumstances, including any significant recent events, to help them understand and predict the child's needs and behaviours and support the child.
The approach to behaviour support should:
- Aim to create a safe, caring environment;
- Ensure that all children have opportunities to become confident and achieve their full potential;
- Encourage the child's consultation and participation in setting rules and consequences;
- Ensure that all children and young people live in placements where they have clear expectations in relation to their behaviour, are supported to understand and to develop alternative positive approaches to challenges within their lives;
- Ensure that all children and young people understand how positive behaviour is recognised and rewarded;
- Ensure that all children and young people are supported to understand the consequences of negative behaviour;
- Ensure that all foster carers understand and share the principles of positive approaches to behaviour;
- Accept the individuality of children and young people and celebrate the diversity of their backgrounds;
- Recognise that placements are different, unique and represent many notions of family, yet they share a common value base.
Foster carers play an important part in the day-to-day life of a child, therefore good parenting, supported by training on behaviour support techniques and strategies, will enable them to achieve and develop a more positive relationship with the child and a more harmonious life and will enable the child to feel good about themselves.
The approach to positive behaviour support should ensure that:
Foster carers provide an environment and culture that promotes, models and supports positive behaviour, and sets high expectations of all of the children in the foster home.
Children are enabled to build trusted and secure relationships with their carers, who know them well, listen to them, spend time with them, protect them and promote their welfare.
The care and help from foster carers assists children and young people to develop a positive self-view and to increase their ability to form and sustain attachments and build emotional resilience and a sense of their own identity. This care and help can also help them to overcome any previous experiences of neglect and trauma.
Foster carers will be prepared and supported to manage the behaviour of children and young people residing with them and situations arising from and leading to this behaviour.
Foster carers are expected to understand, manage and deal with children's behaviour including encouraging them to take responsibility for their behaviour and helping them to learn how to resolve conflict. Carers should have positive strategies for effectively supporting children where they encounter discrimination or bullying wherever this occurs.
Children should be able to develop and practice skills to build and maintain positive relationships, be assertive and to resolve conflicts positively. Children should be encouraged to take responsibility for their behaviour in a way that is appropriate to their age and abilities. Foster carers should respect the child's privacy and confidentiality, in a manner that is consistent with good parenting.
All foster carers will receive therapeutic training in positive care. This is explored in the Foundations for Attachment training.
All foster homes will have clear, consistent and fair boundaries, to enable children to feel safe, encouraged and appropriately rewarded, to help ensure that they will thrive and do well and to contribute to a feeling of well-being and security for children.
When caring for children, carers should at all times endeavour to:
- Listen to and empathise with children, respect their thoughts and feelings and take their wishes into consideration;
- Look for things that are going well, or any step in the right direction, and appropriately reward it;
- Use rewards in a creative and diverse way, specific to children's needs, capabilities and interests. This may mean that children are rewarded with activities or rewards that they enjoy. But all 'tangible' rewards should be accompanied by use of 'non tangible' encouragement and support – by carers demonstrating to children that they have done well. Such 'non tangible' rewards include smiling and praising children;
- Make sure that children and young people are aware of the things that they have done well. This should involve prompt verbal feedback, along with clear recording in the child or young person’s file. All ‘tangible’ rewards should be clearly identified.
Children usually benefit, early on, from rewards which may appear to outweigh that which is expected. This is normal; over time rewards can be more relevant as children's self-esteem and skills improve.
For example:
- Children who have few social or life skills and whose self-esteem and confidence is low may require forms of encouragement and reward which are intensive, frequent or even excessive in order to help/remind them that they are doing well and appreciated;
- A child who has previously been unable to get up for school may be offered an incentive for getting up on time for a few days.
Over time, as children achieve what is expected, such rewards should be reduced or children should be expected to achieve more for the same or a similar reward.
The PACE model can help a carer work successfully with a child.
PACE stands for:
| Playfulness | Using a light-hearted, reassuring tone – similar to parent-infant interactions – to creating an atmosphere of safety and reassurance where no one feels judged and your child feels able to cope with positive feelings. |
| Acceptance | Acceptance is about actively communicating that you accept the feelings, thoughts and internal struggles that are underneath the child's outward behaviour. It is not about accepting the behaviour itself but helping to teach the child to not feel ashamed by their inner turmoil. |
| Curiosity | Curiosity, without judgement, is how we help children become aware of their inner life. It's about wondering out loud without necessarily expecting an answer in return. Phrases like "I wonder if…" will help the child to put a name to their emotions and thoughts. |
| Empathy | Feeling a child's sadness of distress with them, being emotionally available to them during times of difficulty shows the child that they are not alone and that the adult are strong enough to support them both through it. |
(Sometimes 'L' for Love is included, making PLACE).
All foster homes should have house rules, setting out expectations for how things are managed within the home. This should be explained to children, with the reasons for the rules and they should also know that that there are rules for everyone. They should not feel that they are being treated with less regard than other members of the household. Ideally children should know these expectations before they are placed.
These house rules should be recorded on the placement plan and in the safe caring document.
All foster carers will receive training in positive care and support of children.
Conflict management should be used by foster carers and should include the appropriate use of restorative practices that improve relationships, increase children's sense of personal responsibility and reduce the need for formal police intervention. This approach to care is designed to minimise the need for police involvement to deal with challenging behaviour and avoid criminalising children unnecessarily. Proactive and effective working relationships with the police should help to support and protect children.
Children should be encouraged and helped to develop skills and strategies to manage their own conflicts and difficult feelings through developing positive relationships with carers. There should be clear, consistent and appropriate boundaries for children.
Children should receive help to manage their behaviour and feelings safely. Foster carers should respond with clear boundaries about what is safe and acceptable and seek to understand the triggers for behaviour.
Positive behaviour must be promoted consistently, with carers using effective techniques and creative alternative strategies that are specific to the needs of each child and planned in consultation with them where possible.
Foster carers will receive support on how to manage their responses and feelings arising from caring for children, particularly where children display very challenging behaviour, and understand how children's previous experiences can manifest in challenging behaviour.
Difficult or challenging behaviour in children can occur for a number of reasons, for example:
- As a way of expressing emotions;
- As a result of developmental delays or learning disability;
- As a result of attachment/relationship difficulties with staff/carers;
- Learned behaviours in which challenging responses have become habit in the face of frustration or anxiety.
It is helpful if foster carers can understand the causes of the child's behaviour and provide the child with help and support. Foster Carers can seek support from their supervising social worker to help understand the child’s experiences in order to make sense of their behaviours.
When working with, or caring for, children with challenging behaviour it is useful to bear in mind the following:
- The developmental, emotional and social age of the child;
- That the aim of any positive behaviour support is to help the child learn how to behave more appropriately and not to punish or to purely keep the child under control;
- Challenging or undesirable behaviour should not result in emotional distance between the child and the carer;
- No matter how difficult or challenging a child's behaviour, carers should avoid where possible resorting to similar behaviour;
- The more carers are able to understand a child's behaviour and are able to meet their needs in a consistent manner, the less likely they are to encounter difficulties with control.
Children need clear boundaries and to know what is expected of them.
The key points of a positive behaviour approach are:
- The ground rules are discussed with the child so that their views can be taken into account;
- Carers should be honest about any non-negotiable issues, such as smoking on the premises;
- Rules need to be realistic and ideally phrased as a "do" rather than a "do not";
- Children may need to be reminded from time to time of the expectations regarding their behaviour and of why we have rules.
It is important to consider that a child may have disabilities that affect their behaviour, social skills, communication and understanding so require extra help with behaviour management.
Carers need to be aware that children under pressure can have strong feelings of frustration, distress or anger. For example, acknowledging that a child's feelings are legitimate may help them to understand that their behaviour e.g. hitting out or swearing is not OK.
It is important to work with the multi-disciplinary team to work out a positive approach to supporting the child or young person with their behaviours. This plan should be followed by all to ensure that the child or young person receives consistent messages around what is expected. Ongoing support around behaviours may be needed to keep the child or young person safe and healthy.
Sometimes children present behaviours that are difficult. Because of their experiences some behaviours can be worrying, confusing, upsetting and challenging.
Any action that constitutes a response strategy should be proportionate, measured, logical, but not harsh. Response strategies should be the last resort. They must work for the child or young person and be child focused.
Carers should work from a therapeutic, PACE framework to support the child or young person.
Connection with correction is an approach that encourages high levels of warmth and nurture alongside age-appropriate behaviour strategies. It can be thought of as the two hands for parenting. Hand One – Provides warmth and nurture and allows children appropriate autonomy matched to their developmental age (connection). Hand Two – Provides structure, discipline and boundaries (correction - behavioural support).
Using connection strategies with the aim of understanding your child’s experience, before implementing behaviour support, will likely help to build trust between you and your child. Avoid discipline or consequences until you have an understanding/explanation for the behaviour. Discipline, consequences or increased structure, will likely be more successful if the child feels understood and connected to first.
Repetition of the rules, humour and clear messages can avoid response strategies being needed.
For a child or young person of an appropriate age, it is important to discuss what they think is an appropriate and fair restriction such as not using their games console for a night, not going out with a friend etc.
As a carer it is important to discuss what response strategy you are using with others and get support from professionals around this such as the child's social worker.
The following response strategies are non-approved, which means they may never be imposed upon children:
- Any form of corporal punishment; i.e. any intentional application of force as punishment, including slapping, punching, rough handling and throwing missiles; Walsall Council does not accept the use of corporal punishment. This means that a foster carer should NEVER physically chastise a child in their care. It is important to remember, many of the children being Looked After by the local authority have witnessed or experienced physical abuse, therefore physical punishment merely reinforces the belief that adults hurt children. We believe that corporal punishment is not an appropriate method of changing or controlling a child’s behaviour: it will merely teach the child what is not desired, not what is acceptable. Corporal punishment tends only to work when the threat of further punishment is present, and the child will quickly learn how to avoid the punishment, rather than how to behave in an acceptable way. Most children want your approval, so telling them you are not pleased, in many cases will prove very effective, particularly if you follow it with an opportunity for the child to ‘wipe the slate clean’ and make a fresh start. Not hitting a child does not mean you have to bottle up your feelings. One of the most sensible things you can do when you feel the anger building up or the urge to strike out, is to talk to others about how you feel. Talk to your partner, friends, relatives or Social Worker. This is a good time to make use of your support networks. The Fostering Service has close links with, CAMHS and FLASH, and the Children’s Workforce Development Team. These services can offer practical advice, support and training around managing complex and difficult to manage challenging behaviour;
- Any measure of control, restraint or discipline which is excessive or unreasonable. Restraint is used on a child only where it is necessary to prevent injury to the child or other persons, or serious damage to property;
- Any response strategy relating to the consumption or deprivation of food or drink;
- Any restriction on a child's family time with their parents or relatives; visits to the child by their parents or relatives; a child's communications with any of the persons listed below; or their access to any telephone helpline providing counselling or advice for children (this does not prevent family time or communication being restricted in exceptional circumstances, where it is necessary to do so to protect the child or others):
- Any officer of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service appointed for the child;
- Any social worker assigned to the child;
- Any Independent Visitor;
- Any person authorised by the Regulatory Authority.
- Any requirement that a child wear distinctive or inappropriate clothes;
- The use or withholding of medication or medical or dental treatment;
- The intentional deprivation of sleep;
- The modification of a child's behaviour through bribery or the use of threats;
- Any response strategy which may humiliate a child or could cause them to be ridiculed;
- The imposition of any fine or financial penalty, other than a requirement for the payment of a reasonable sum by way of reparation. (The court may impose fines upon children which staff should encourage and support them to repay);
- Any intimate physical examination of a child;
- The withholding of aids/equipment needed by a disabled child;
- Any measure which involves a child in the imposition of any measure against any other child; or the sanction of a group of children for the behaviour of an individual child;
- Swearing at the child or the use of foul, demeaning or humiliating language or measures.
Consequences should be natural or logical in order to show cause and effect e.g. the consequences needs to connect to the behaviour. Illogical Consequences provide no learning experience for the child because the consequence does not directly link to the behaviour.
These should be recorded and agreed with other professionals.
- Restriction or time limits in the use of mobile phone or electronic devices in order to protect a child or another person from harm, injury or to protect property from being damaged;
- Restriction on sending or receiving letters or other correspondence (including the use of electronic or internet correspondence) in order to protect a child or another person from harm, injury or to protect property from being damaged;
- Reparation, involving the child doing something to put right the wrong they have done; e.g. repairing damage or returning stolen property;
- Curtailment of leisure activities, involving a child being prevented from participating in such activities;
- Early bedtimes, by up to half an hour or as agreed with the child's social worker;
- Removal of equipment, for example the use of a TV or DVD player;
- Loss of privileges, for example the withdrawal of the privilege of staying up late;
- Sometimes it will be appropriate to withhold pocket money for a short period, which should be appropriate to the misdemeanour. This should usually be for a short period of time for example a few hours but up to a maximum of four days. It can also be appropriate to confiscate up to two thirds of a child’s pocket money in a single weekly episode for reparation. This should all be clearly recorded in the child’s logs and the child’s social worker and your supervising social worker informed.
It may be after some incidents a repair in the relationship between you and your child is needed. It is important to do this to model to your child that although relationships may experience a rupture, there is always the possibility of repair.
All consequences should be recorded on the child’s logs. The record should contain the opinions of the child or young person. If they are not willing to give an opinion, then the record should evidence the time and date that their opinion was sought. Significant incidents sheets should be completed where appropriate.
Carers are not permitted to conduct body searches, pat down searches, searches of clothing worn by children or of their bedrooms.
Should carers suspect that a child is carrying or has concealed an item which may place the child or another person at risk, they should try to obtain the item by co-operation/negotiation.
If carers suspect that a child is concealing an item which may place themselves or another person at risk, they must notify the child’s social worker/local authority or, in an emergency, the Police.
In the event of any serious incident (e.g. accident, violence or assault, damage to property), carers should take what actions they deem to be necessary to protect children/themselves from immediate harm or injury; and then notify the social worker/local authority immediately.
If there is a risk of serious injury/harm or damage to property, carers should not use any form of physical intervention except as a last resort to prevent themselves or others from being injured or to prevent serious damage to property. If any form of physical intervention is used, it must be the least intrusive necessary to protect the child, carer(s) or others.
At no time should carers act unless they are confident of managing the situation safely, without escalation or further injury.
The police should only be involved in two circumstances:
- An emergency necessitating their immediate involvement to protect the child or others;
- Following discussion with the child's social worker and/or relevant senior manager from the local authority.
If any serious incident occurs or the police are called, the child’s social worker must be notified without delay and will then notify the relevant senior manager within the local authority and arrange for a full report to be made of the incident and actions taken. The Regulatory Authority must also be notified. Out of hours, EDT would need to be informed on 0300 555 2922.
Legislation, Statutory Guidance and Government Non-Statutory Guidance
Last Updated: March 4, 2024
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